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ENGot a lot of comments about the PEOPLE PLEASING part of my viral reel…
I said “Toddler ‘sharing’ is actually people pleasing. If I’m using something, I don’t have to stop using that thing just because someone else wants it. That’s not a life skill. That’s people pleasing.”
MANY of us were praised or labeled as “good kids” for being the ones who avoided conflict.
We were the ones who let go when another child pulled something out of our hands, followed others’ ideas in play, gave up what we wanted to keep the baby from crying.
We were the easy ones.
Understandably, adults liked this.
Now we’re people who don’t assert our ideas at work, can’t eat the last cookie even when everyone has had plenty and would rather leave our errand unfinished than hold up a line because we still need something.
Does ALL of this come from a misuse of ideas about sharing in childhood?
Of course not.
But the fact remains that “sharing” is not a developmentally appropriate practice for toddlers (see previous reel).
And making a toddler give up something they’re still using just because someone else wants it is the KIND of practice that absolutely translates to people pleasing later in life.
I’m advocating for supporting the toddler who has the thing in holding their boundary: “I’m using it.” Or: “When I’m done.”
AND supporting the child who wants the thing through the challenging feeling of wanting something that’s not available.
Those are empowering, developmentally appropriate practices.
Cooperation, negotiation and real/equitable sharing come later.
#toddlerbehavior #sharing #toddlersharing #peoplepleasing #childdevelopment
@enquiryco
