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LII’m 22, in PA school, and I’m embarrassed to admit:
1. Some days I still feel like I’m figuring things out in real time. There are moments where I don’t feel “ahead” or “caught up,” just doing the next right thing and hoping it’s enough.
2. I forget things I know I’ve learned, and when that happens, my brain immediately jumps to “maybe I don’t know anything at all.” Studying can feel more like relearning than building.
3. I love medicine, but it can be mentally and emotionally draining in ways I didn’t fully expect. Some days it excites me. Other days, it takes everything in me just to keep going.
4. People think I have it together, but confidence isn’t constant. There are good days, and there are days where simply pushing through feels like an accomplishment.
5. I feel guilty when I rest. Even when I know I need a break, part of me feels like I should be doing more, studying more, being better.
6. Imposter syndrome still shows up. Even after making it this far, I sometimes question whether I’m capable of carrying the responsibility this career demands.
7. I don’t always trust that I’m studying the “right” way. I spend a lot of time wondering if I should be doing more, doing it differently, or doing what everyone else is doing.
8. I underestimate how tired I actually am. I push through exhaustion, then feel frustrated when my focus or motivation isn’t what it used to be.
9. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be good at this quickly, even though I know this is a process and I’m still learning.
10. I carry moments from school and the hospital home with me. Certain cases, comments, or mistakes replay in my head longer than I’d like.
11. I’m still learning how to balance being driven with being human, and I don’t always get it right.
I’m being very vulnerable in this post, and I don’t share this for sympathy, just as a reminder that a growth can be uncomfortable, and that doesn’t make it wrong. I’m learning that none of this means that I don’t belong here. It means I’m human, I care deeply, and I’m growing into these role one day at a time.
Thank you for reading this far💗
For more, follow my journey through medicine and life👩🏻⚕️.
@lilzahi.the.pas
