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KAI grew up in charismatic evangelicalism, where falling in line was often honored more than my humanity.
my faith was never dependent on a service.
but my nervous system was taught that it was.
I was taught to never miss a sunday service.
so when I stopped going to church, my body often felt unsafe.
it wasn’t until I realized that my connection with God never faltered, only the ritual around it changed, that I found comfort.
1) God was never as fragile as I was taught.
I learned that my faith didn’t disappear when attendance stopped.
God did not withdraw.
I wasn’t abandoned.
the structure changed, but the relationship remained.
2) my emotions mattered outside of worship spaces.
emotional expression was honored in public practices of worship, but not in everyday life.
I learned that God actually cared about my emotions in ordinary moments.
in quiet.
in grief.
in stillness.
people celebrated loud.
I learned how to celebrate quiet.
3) requires an exiling of self.
in high control systems, the system is honored more than the person.
needs, desires, and instincts are surrendered to keep the system intact.
and over time, you lose touch with what you need.
part of my healing was realizing it was actually okay to need something.
that honoring my humanity didn’t threaten my faith.
it deepened it.
#deconstructingfaith #deconstructing
church abuse
spiritual abuse
leaving the church
ex evangelical
@katewillsey
