544.1K
RIDismissive Avoidants, if they aren’t working on becoming secure, DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY FOR CLOSENESS. Learning so much about attachment styles will likely keep me single for life😂🤘🏼
#dismissiveavoidant #attachmentstyle
@rinispencer
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DR🧠 Top 3 Things a Dismissive-Avoidant Partner Will Say (and What They Really Mean)
“Maybe I just can’t give you what you need.”
This isn’t just avoidance—it’s a trauma response. Dismissive-avoidants often feel defective when asked to emotionally connect. Their nervous system goes into freeze mode, and this phrase becomes their way of withdrawing.
“I don’t know.”
It’s not avoidance—it’s dissociation. DAs are deeply disconnected from their emotions due to childhood emotional neglect. They literally don’t know how they feel, and it takes them much longer to process emotions than most people.
“You’re being too sensitive.”
Because they suppress their own emotions, dismissive-avoidants often struggle to access empathy. What sounds cold to you may feel “normal” to them—and they’re often confused by others’ emotional needs.
If you’re wondering if these people can change — Yes—dismissive-avoidants can grow and heal ❤️🩹
But it takes targeted nervous system intervention and attachment wound repair, while also building capacity around their own consciousness. That’s exactly what we do inside my Hybrid Group Coaching Program—and DAs actually thrive in it.
✨ If you’re in a relationship with a DA (or are one yourself), head to thelovedoc.com to learn more or DM me for help.
#relationshipcoach #attachment #love #healing #dismissiveavoidant #relationshipadvice #marriage
@dr.sarahhensley
413.7K
SIThey may fear:
• Being too vulnerable
• Not being good at relationships
• Feeling trapped or stuck
• Being overwhelmed by commitment
Because of these fears, being close can feel scary for them.
When there is space and no contact, something changes.
The dismissive avoidant no longer feels those fears every day.
Without the pressure of closeness, their fears calm down.
When the fears are quieter, they can finally feel their emotions more clearly.
For a dismissive avoidant, feelings without fear is how connection starts to feel safe.
That is why space can sometimes make them think about the relationship again.
This does not mean no contact is a trick.
It is about letting both people calm their nervous systems.
If you want to understand this better, comment „Healing”
and I’ll send you link to my „The Healing Bundle”:
a step-by-step guide on how to build emotional closeness with
an avoidant partner and become truly significant to them.
@sincere.emotion
4.1M
THDating someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style can be confusing because they’re usually “all in” at the start.
But, when they need to engage in the daily relationship skills to keep the relationship going, they panic. They tend to be easily overwhelmed with their own feelings and the feelings of their partner. They typically had little to no emotional support growing up and learned that isolation was the only way they could stay safe.
When they don’t feel good, they project this disappointment onto their partner. Intimacy is so scary to them which leads them to fantasize about being single, to run from conflict, or to sometimes “ghost.”
Have you dated someone with this attachment style?
@the.holistic.psychologist
1.3M
NOWhat do you think? 👇
1. They stay present in those conversations that once overwhelmed them, even while their body still feels activated. Being able to choose this kind of engagement rather than shutting down is a big sign of nervous system growth.
2. They explain their need for space instead of just disappearing. This can feel especially vulnerable when distance was once their main way of regulating for… probably ever.
3. They initiate contact in small but consistent ways. Grand gestures are often easier, but steady effort over time is much harder for avoidants and far more meaningful for the people receiving it.
4. They tolerate emotional discomfort instead of pulling away at the first sign of closeness. This only happens when their nervous system is learning to trust connection and understand that it doesn’t automatically equal a threat.
5. They come back after taking space instead of staying gone and they even tell you when they’ll be back 🥳 this shows growth but also a lot of awareness because they understand they need space and how long for.
6. They acknowledge your feelings, even if they don’t respond perfectly yet. Now this awareness is a real step toward emotional safety for everyone involved.
7. They’re more honest about their limits and capacity. This one is quite important because it shows major self awareness and humility.
There may be some stumbles and fumbles along the way, but these are strong signs of growth.
If you want to learn more about anxious–avoidant dynamics or how to build healthier connection, reach out and let’s have a conversation ❤️
Like and follow for more if this resonates 🙌
#avoidanthealing #attachmentstyles #emotionalsafety #relationshippatterns #secureattachment #datingclarity
@nomadcounsellor
360.2K
LODm me for 1:1 coaching #avoidantattachment #avoidant #ex
@lowkey___deep
5.5M
LOAttachment coaching info in bio, dm if your interested #avoidantattachment #avoidant #psychologyfacts
@lowkey___deep
429.5K
THIf An Avoidant Says These 3 Things, RUN #avoidantattachment #breakup #breakuprecovery #breakupcoach #broken #heartbreak #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #attachment
@thechrisseiter
2.1M
EMWhen feedback feels like criticism, it’s not about the conversation — it’s about your nervous system. Avoidant defensiveness can slowly pull even a secure partner into questioning themselves. This is your reminder that feedback isn’t an attack… it’s an invitation to grow, repair, and connect. If you want deeper tools to move from tension into tenderness, the link in bio has everything you need. #relationships #relationshiptips #attachmentstyles #avoidantattachment #anxiousattachment
@embracingjoypsychotherapy
12.8M
THSomeone with an avoidant attachment style had early childhood experiences where they weren’t safe. This can involve emotional neglect, boundary violations (smothering behavior), highly stressful/chaotic environments or abandonment.
Ultimately, through early repeated experiences, the avoidant person learns:
- I must take care of myself
- People who love me also hurt me and leave me
- Asking for help is pointless
- No one cares about what I think or feel
- Sharing my feelings will result in conflict and loss of connection
- I have to appease to survive
Because of a deep seated fear of emotional connection, avoidance is the coping mechanism. Most people who are avoidant feel most safe when they’re alone, not being perceived, and when they’re not being depended on.
In relationships, they quickly and easily feel smothered. They have an inner voice that tells them there’s always someone or something better “out there.” Often, they create an internal fantasy world where the past was better. They tend to glorify past partners and relationships or times when they were single.
My hope all my videos is to help people with insecure attachment learn the difference between their “attachment voice” and reality. To understand their behavioral and thought patterns. To start to have open and honest conversations with friends and partners.
All of us have an attachment style. And it deeply affects how we relate to ourselves and other people. The positive part is, attachment is fluid. With commitment and inner work we can all become more secure, compassionate, and connected with the people we love #selfhealers
@the.holistic.psychologist
748.6K
NEA deactivation is the avoidant’s way of creating emotional distance when closeness starts to feel overwhelming. It’s not always logical, even for them. But internally, their system is picking up signals of threat because emotional intimacy starts to feel unsafe to them.
For someone with an avoidant attachment style, deep connection can trigger feelings of vulnerability they’ve spent most of their life avoiding. Rather than express this discomfort, many avoidants instinctively pull away. They disconnect not because the relationship is bad, but because it feels too real.
Internally, they might start questioning their feelings. They may hyperfocus on your flaws, rewrite the story in their head, or convince themselves they were “never that sure” to begin with. These thoughts serve as emotional exits: a way to justify pulling back without confronting the real fear underneath.
While they deactivate, you’re left holding the confusion. One moment, you felt seen and chosen. The next, you’re wondering what went wrong. Questioning whether you were too much or not enough. You might even think, “If I just give them space, maybe they’ll come back.”
But this cycle isn’t about space. It’s about emotional availability and what they’re capable of giving.
You don’t have to prove your worth to someone who gets scared when they feel close to you. You don’t have to carry the weight of their fears. If someone pulls away the moment things become real, it’s not your job to hold the connection together on your own.
If you need guidance moving forward after an avoidant relationship, my guide is here to support you: link in bio.
📌 Save this post or follow for more content like this.
#avoidantattachment #attachmentstyles #attachmentissues #psychologyfact #selfawareness #relationshipadvice #avoidantattachmentstyle
@nextchapterguide_
1.5M
CO1️⃣ After “upgrading” the relationship in some way.
Avoidant attachment is based on fear (just like anxious attachment style).
When you two move the relationship forward, i.e. you move in together, you meet parents, you talk about getting engaged…
The potential of them getting hurt, in their mind goes up, so many times they leave to avoid that possibility.
2️⃣ After going on a trip without you.
Dating for an avoidant comes with a baseline level of stress.
If your partner went on a trip, sometimes they will notice that stress disappear because of the physical distance between you two.
They then may misidentify that stress as a sign that the relationship is bad and leave.
3️⃣ After about two months of dating.
If this is the case for you, I would seriously consider just moving on.
It is common for people with a pattern of bouncing from relationship to relationship to end things right after the honeymoon stage ends.
This is when things become more real and the fear I mentioned earlier of becoming too close creeps in.
Follow for more help understanding your breakup!
#breakup #avoidant #divorce
@coachcolezesiger
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