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WEREPOST for those on their own this weekend, I understand how you feel! You’re not alone xx 🩷
#alone #single #widow #widower #widowed #divorce #divorced #lonely #tired #frightened #separated #own
@wendyg_official
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KUI can’t stand the idea of a life of sitting on my own at home every weekend so I’m just trying to flex the muscle by taking myself out for dinner. I was so nervous going in but I soon settled and realised no one really cares. They are all just doing their own thing.
#solodining #griefjourney #widowed
@kulaspringsyoga
104.2K
WHHere 👇🏻
"He is in a better place now"-Although I understand the sentiment behind someone saying this, it doesn't make sense in our family's specific situation. I believe in the afterlife. I believe in Heaven, but my late husband, Ryan, died at the age of 35 and left me, a 4-year-old, and a newborn. No one can convince me that in the prime of his life when he had so much life left to live here on Earth with his family, that Heaven is a better place for him.
"My condolences"- Please say anything else. Say "I'm so sorry for your loss." Say "My thoughts and prayers." Say "I'm thinking of you and your family." Saying "my condolences" just seemed so impersonal for the situation.
"Let me know if you need anything"- After losing a spouse and going through trauma, I had no idea what I needed. Instead of putting the responsibility on the griever to let you know what they need, instead just show up, figure out unprompted what is needed, and bring things that you think will be helpful.
How are you?"- I always hated this question. In the early days of loss, this question forced me to lie. It forced me to say the things that made other people comfortable at the expense of my own truth. "My husband is dead. I'm terrible," is what I wanted to say but I would always smile and say "I'm OK. Thank you."
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💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to preorder my 2nd book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
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#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
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Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose after loss.
@whitneylynallen
93.8K
SOAs a widowed person, especially in the early stages of grief, it can be so challenging to witness people living their lives with their partners physically here. We may feel happy for them, but angry and sad for ourselves.
We may experience bitterness and envy that our person was taken from us, and not others. Why US, of all people? We may not be able to help but think - “that was supposed to be me and MY person!”
All of these feelings are normal and part of the grieving process. We are grieving not only the death of our person, but the loss of a future we had imagined with them. Be gentle with yourself, your grief, and whatever complicated feelings you may have.
#ssithatssonormal #normalizegrief #griefsupport #widowed #widowedsupport
@soaringspiritsint
551
WHFour years ago tomorrow, October 14, 2021, was the last day I had the privilege of being with my husband, Ryan. A few hours after this video was taken, he suffered an anoxic brain injury from a bee sting. He remained in a coma and then a vegetative state until his death the following April.
Every year I share this video. In the past I’ve shared the details of that day. It was my way of processing the trauma, of trying to make sense of something that can never truly be understood. It was also my way of reaching out to others who have lived through unthinkable loss, to help them feel less alone in their pain.
But this year feels different. I’ve done a lot of work to be fully present in the life I’m living now. To find peace in it. To surrender to my reality and trust that I don’t have to revisit the past to keep Ryan’s memory alive. My love for him has never faded. It’s woven into who I am and how I love, into the way I raise our boys, and into the quiet moments when I still feel him near.
This year I want to share this video as a reminder. To slow down. To cherish the people you love. To look them in the eyes and tell them what they mean to you. Life moves fast, and none of us know when our last ordinary day with someone will be. Be generous with your hugs, your “I love you’s,” your gratitude. Say the things that matter. Don’t leave them unsaid.
I wish our story had more time, but I never have to wonder how Ryan felt about me. It was in everything he did and in the words he spoke, like in this video.
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💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to order my second book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose.
@whitneylynallen
9.2K
WHHow much my relationships changed after Ryan died truly shocked me. People who were once family, by blood or by promise, are now strangers. Some still watch my every move from the sidelines 🤪, but the closeness is gone. And the people I didn’t even know before he died? They’ve become my lifelines.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand why this happens after loss. My best guess, with as much compassion as I can offer, is that grief is a mirror. It reflects our deepest wounds. Not everyone knows how to sit with that. Grief doesn’t just crack you open, it cracks everyone around you open too. And when people haven’t faced their own pain, your pain becomes too much. They distance themselves to protect the unhealed parts of them.
When you take steps forward, others may see it as a betrayal of what was. They may feel like your healing means forgetting. But the truth is, healing is honoring. It's surviving in a world that no longer feels safe or whole. And that journey is brutal enough without the extra burden of trying to please people who don’t understand.
The most freeing thing I’ve learned is this: it’s not about me. It’s about them. Their silence, their distance, their judgment, it’s not mine to carry.
Your job is not to convince others to support your path. It’s to keep walking it. True peace comes when you stop needing everyone to understand, and just start choosing what makes you whole.
The right people will walk beside you. The rest will fade away and watch from afar.
DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
DM “Carried” for my second book
DM “Running” for my book
DM “Light” for my grief course
DM “Email” to join my list
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose after loss.
@whitneylynallen
11.7K
WHAt 34 years old, 26 weeks pregnant with a 3 year old toddler, I was dropped unwillingly into the realm of hell on earth.
My husband of 8 years went into cardiac arrest from a completely random bee sting after going into anaphylaxis. He sustained an anoxic brain injury on October 14, 2021. He died that day for me. Everything that made him my husband ceased to exist on that day and it transported me into my own personal hell.
I didn't get to choose being there and there was no way out but directly through it. No short cuts or hacks. Just suffering. So much darkness and sadness. And so much anger and bargaining. Wishing God would take me instead.
But life doesn't work that way. We don't get control over who is sick or healthy. Who gets to live and who dies.
So I came to the acceptance that I would be in hell for a while. And I was determined that if I had to be there, that I would bring something out from the depths of it all.
So what did I come out of hell with?
An empathy for others suffering and a calling to help those navigating their own personal hell.
I emerged with a new appreciation for life and a reverence of death.
I came out as a true adult knowing what I would accept in this life and what I wouldn't.
A fully embodied gratitude for life and our short time here.
I came out of hell with so much. And I carry these things with me each day, as I carry my grief and my love for Ryan.
💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to order my second book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose after loss.
@whitneylynallen
381
WHAfter my husband, Ryan, died at 35, my mind became a constant loop of questions, memories, and noise I couldn’t turn off. I didn’t understand it then, but it was my brain trying to make sense of the impossible.
I had thoughts that felt wild and intrusive.
What if I had made him stay home that day.
What if something happens to me while the boys are still young.
I can’t die. I have to make that doctor’s appointment.
He would have loved this. He’s missing everything.
Was he scared. Did he know I was there.
I can still see him in that hospital bed.
I can still hear the sound of my own screams waiting for help to arrive.
Those early months were chaos. Endless phone calls, insurance forms, medical bills, funeral decisions, parenting two little boys while barely holding myself together. I remember smiling once and instantly wondering if people thought I was crazy. Or feeling a split second of laughter and then a gut punch of guilt.
I used to think those thoughts meant I was falling apart. Now I know they were just part of the process. The brain trying to hold on to what the body already lost.
The thoughts still come sometimes, but they don’t control me anymore. They’re quieter now. Softer. They remind me how much I loved him, how much I’ve carried, and how far I’ve come. Healing didn’t mean forgetting him. It meant finding a way to keep living with him still here in everything I do.
If you’re in that fog of intrusive thoughts, just know you won’t always live inside them. There’s life waiting beyond the noise, and you deserve to reach it.
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💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to order my second book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose.
@whitneylynallen
1.6K
WHFor a while after the medical event that caused my husband’s death, life became performative. I felt so that I was either “putting it on,” or numb from the trauma that I was floating through life, simply going about the motions without feeling embodied in moving through the world with purpose.
I would carry on a polite conversation, put on a smile, and nod my head to the many platitudes I would hear. All the while, I was screaming and jumping out of my skin on the inside. Social norms and expectations impose restrictions on “the right way” to act in public even in agonizing grief. But many times, we become afraid of letting ourselves truly unravel, even when we can. We stifle and push all of the emotions and energy down that are intended to be liberated from our bodies, so it doesn’t consume us. We make our pain more consumable for the masses and ourselves because we are afraid of what will come out of us if we let ourselves truly go into the darkness. We think that if we let ourselves dip into that ocean of sadness we will drown in it. That we won’t come out of it.
So it is understandable that so many grievers struggle with the dichotomy of their internal grief world and what is portrayed to the world. We may look "OK," or like we are "doing so well," on the outside because honestly, that is what society expects of us when inside we are struggling or crumbling. If you're seeking a soft place to land in your grief, see below for the ways to work with me.
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💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to order my 2nd book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
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#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
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Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose after loss.
@whitneylynallen
1.5K
WHGod saw my struggle as a young widow with a baby and a toddler and gave us a safe place to land.
When I met my now husband, Anthony, I was still in survival mode. I was trying to rebuild a life that had been completely torn apart. I was exhausted, heartbroken, and just beginning to figure out who I was in the aftermath of losing my husband, Ryan. I had no energy to hide my pain or how messy life felt as a solo mom navigating grief.
The first weekend he stayed with us, Leo woke up screaming in the middle of the night. Before I could move, Anthony got up, made a bottle, and fed him without hesitation. Later that morning, I came downstairs to see him folding laundry while Jackson played with Legos and the baby laughed. For the first time in what felt like forever, I could breathe.
He never saw my widowhood as baggage. He saw it as strength. He saw what I had survived and met me where I was, not where he wanted me to be.
Falling in love again didn’t erase my grief or fill a void. Ryan will always have a place in my heart. There’s no replacing a life that can’t be lived again. There’s only learning to hold both love and loss at the same time.
My grief is still mine to carry. But now I get to do it with someone who loves us completely. Someone who stepped into our lives and treated my boys like his own from the very beginning.
Being a wife again after so much heartbreak feels like grace. The boys and I were given stability, safety, and unconditional love in a life we never expected to rebuild. Grateful every day for the man who chose us. ❤️
💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to order my second book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose.
@whitneylynallen
45
WHAt the age of 34 I found myself with a young son, a baby on the way and an incapacitated husband in a vegetative state. We had talked about getting our wills squared away if the unimaginable happened. But life got in the way. We got busy and there were always reasons to not make it a priority, until our world fell apart and I was forced to figure out how to get our affairs in order.
Here is my advice:
1. Do not wait to get your affairs in order. I know that life often gets in the way, but make getting a will and POA (power of attorneys) a priority. This will avoid extra stress and work if something should happen. In addition, if you have children, it will give direction as to your preference of guardians.
2. Get life insurance ASAP. You never know what tomorrow brings. You don't know if you'll be diagnosed with an illness making getting life insurance impossibly expensive or if an accident/medical event will happen. The best time to get life insurance is when you're young and healthy. Get a policy that will provide for your family because it really is such a privilege to not have to worry how you're going to pay your bills when you're in crisis and grieving.
3. Make sure your partner and another person in your family, or trusted friend, etc. knows where to find important documents like passwords, wills, etc. so if something happens to you they can find everything they need to keep everything in order.
What would you add?
💌 DM “Retreat” for details on my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Carried” to order my second book
💌 DM “Support” for grief resources
💌 DM “Running” for my first book
💌 DM “Email” to join my mailing list and receive grief tools
#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy after loss.
@whitneylynallen
39.3K
WHHere 👇🏻
There are people in society that are uncomfortable with how widows live their lives.
Many of us aren't shutting ourselves out from the world.
We are going to activities and functions with our children, friends, and family.
We are taking vacations.
We are making big transitions and taking leaps of faith.
We are dating and falling in love again.
We are smiling, laughing and living.
We are grieving too, but often the grief isn't visible and therefore many can believe we are being disrespectful or "over it."
The truth is that the picture of widowhood doesn't fit with what many are comfortable with.
As widows, we are often at the pinnacle of our careers, our marriages, or parenthood when it all comes crashing down on us. We want to feel beautiful and desired. We want to find purpose from our loss and in our lives. We literally have so much life left to live.
Although we find ourselves in deep grief, we feel a pull to live more fully because that is what death teaches us to do.
Society wants us to look and act more like we are in mourning, but our relationship with death forces us to seek out feeling alive.
And in that gap between societal expectation and the true reality of loss as a woman is where the dissonance occurs and where much of the judgment and criticisms come from.
Comment below if you can relate, follow for more content on grief and life + love after loss, and/or share if you feel this is a valuable message🙏🏻
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💌 DM “Retreat” for my widow’s retreat
💌 DM “Support” for 1:1 grief support
💌 DM “Carried” to preorder my 2nd book
💌 DM “Running” for my book
💌 DM “Light” for my self-guided grief course
💌 DM “Email” to join my list
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#grievingprocess #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefislove #griefhealing #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #griefcoach #griefwork #youngwidow #youngwidows #widowedandyoung #widow #widows #widowhood #widowlife #widowed #widowedmom #widowstrong #widowsupport #widowshelpingwidows #hotyoungwidowsclub #hopeforwidows #widowcoach #k9officer #loveafterloss #policewife #leowife #griefhealing
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Grief coach for widows. Helping widows lost in grief find joy and purpose after loss.
@whitneylynallen
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