71.3K
HOLike any form of art it has many layers happening at once.
I welcome all interpretations of what you see.
In in the beginning of this video, there’s a moment that I captured where my father assaulted me with his cane within that hour we had just finished cleaning out the refrigerator for him after he had gotten food poisoning two days before his need for control wasn’t being given and so this was what triggered the assault. I began my journey of recording everything and this is why I have a video now I’d didn’t know he would do it but he has done things similar in the past.
What is forgiveness ? And if I’ve done it how many times do I have to do it again?
Second clip: my statement was I’m recording to have proof of the abuse. He would resort to verbal abuse and doing so by calling selected people on his phone to tell them things about me or my mom or whoever that we don’t give a fk about him, we can go to hell, we are abusing him, we are trying to kill him, the list goes on. I wanted proof of the verbal abuse and I have it.
But what happens if I forgave him and he does this again do I stop showing up? Lord help me figure this out what does this mean. What is forgiveness ?
Third clip ( I took a leap faith and choose to prioritize myself now and not my father. I served with all my heart and the abuse never stopped. I forgave him daily just to get my body to serve him with love. Did resentment still exist yes but the power was given to love, not resentment and so I acted out of love and not resentment. Resentment tells me to let him die in his own sht, love tells me to love him as if he never hurt me before. - insert boundaries
The last clips are more of the better memories I stayed in this for God to forgive me and release me from the curse of broken relationships in my blood line when it comes to fathers. I was obedient to what God led me to do.
Assignments don’t last forever they evolve.
In this session I learned how much I didn’t love myself how much I wasn’t showing up for me, how much I neglected me on a regular basis. This season birthed discipline, endurance of faith n long suffering, it birthed a community with you n that alone is worthit
@holdingmydad
