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THSomeone with an avoidant attachment style had early childhood experiences where they weren’t safe. This can involve emotional neglect, boundary violations (smothering behavior), highly stressful/chaotic environments or abandonment.
Ultimately, through early repeated experiences, the avoidant person learns:
- I must take care of myself
- People who love me also hurt me and leave me
- Asking for help is pointless
- No one cares about what I think or feel
- Sharing my feelings will result in conflict and loss of connection
- I have to appease to survive
Because of a deep seated fear of emotional connection, avoidance is the coping mechanism. Most people who are avoidant feel most safe when they’re alone, not being perceived, and when they’re not being depended on.
In relationships, they quickly and easily feel smothered. They have an inner voice that tells them there’s always someone or something better “out there.” Often, they create an internal fantasy world where the past was better. They tend to glorify past partners and relationships or times when they were single.
My hope all my videos is to help people with insecure attachment learn the difference between their “attachment voice” and reality. To understand their behavioral and thought patterns. To start to have open and honest conversations with friends and partners.
All of us have an attachment style. And it deeply affects how we relate to ourselves and other people. The positive part is, attachment is fluid. With commitment and inner work we can all become more secure, compassionate, and connected with the people we love #selfhealers
@the.holistic.psychologist
