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YOIt’s so easy to be upset AT myself instead of being upset FOR myself.
I was 8 years old when I first believed that I was lazy.
That little girl received so much humiliation & punishment for struggling with homework, when what she really needed was understanding and support.
I lived with years of internalized shame and unworthiness.
I now understand that my “laziness” and tendency to procrastinate is a multifaceted experience
- There’s a big part of me who values + prioritizes ease and slowness
- My ADHD brain struggles with time blindness and executive dysfunction (especially when dysregulated)
- My parts get immobilized from terror and shame
- As a deeply feeling human, shame is particularly sharp and painful for me
- Part of me waits for perfection to avoid experiencing shame
- With so much happening, my system is prone to dysregulation, overwhelm and fatigue
- This whole event can be an emotional flashback that further disconnects me from the resources I actually have
It helps to remember how young I was when all this began, and how ludicrous it is to yell at such a helpless kid.
When I remember that a part of me IS still her, it becomes easier to take a gentler approach.
Healing my relationship with shame has been the #1 thing that has brought more and more nervous system safety and executive function back into my life.
It’s not perfect. Things still take me longer than I would like at times, but at least that time is spent receiving my own love and support.
p.s I’m creating an inner-parenting guide to help you become the parent you’ve always needed. It’s called “I’m Here Now” 🥹
DM me “Waitlist” if you’d like to be notified when it’s released
@yourwisemomfriend
