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JEIt’s really hard to remain calm and not to evoke stress when we are around babies and children until we become a bit more seasoned. On top of that, all of us have our own stress triggers, some of us can’t handle messy situations, some of us are very safety concerned, some of us are very overwhelmed by big emotions. But let me tell you, when we can find our calm in the face of things that can automatically evoke immediate stress, we are doing something huge for our children. We are expressing trust; not only in our children (that empowers them to trust themselves) but trust in ourselves and our ability to get through any day of parenting (and there are many of them).
I could go on and on about how our mentality and attitude is contagious for our children but instead I’ll say to read below for how you can adjust some of your reflexive responses. Some of my favorite ways to respond to seemingly “big deals” that don’t need to be.
When our child gets hurt - and we know they are ok:
Instead of “OH MY GOD! Are you ok?”
or frantically saying “you’re ok!”
Say: “I saw that!” with genuine care, and then describe what happened so that our child can process WTF just happened.
Part of the uneasiness is that something happened that they did not expect or want to happen.
When our child is feeling something big and we have no idea what it is:
Instead of Instead of frantically saying
“use your words!!!”
say “I’m here. You’re feeling something big.”
The most impactful way to help your child calm down enough to communicate isn’t by begging them to communicate but is through co regulation. Saying you are there is the start of a child feeling safe enough to calm down.
When our child is doing something that could result in an injury or a mess:
Instead of “be careful!!! Stop!!” which likely could startle them enough to stop exploring or cause an immediate injury (and always conveys a perpetual mistrust in them) we can say “It looks like you’re close the edge of that curb, do you see your feet?” or “I’m going to sit close by to help you use this material) which will help your child build an awareness of sensory exploration, their body and space.
@jenniemonness
