11.9M
JIAnxious Avoidant First Date #datingadvice #relationships #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #funnyvideos
@jimmy_on_relationships
#Anxiousavoidant
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10.3K
CAANXIOUS AVOIDANT PATTERN! Why are they all of a sudden not what I wanted???
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#anxiousavoidant #anxiousattachment #healing #innerwork #relationship #relationshipadvise
@candacevandell
1.4M
THIn the last of my attachment series here is: fearful avoidant or what is sometimes called disorganized attachment.
If you’ve watched my reels on anxious attachment and avoidant attachment and have said to myself “I’m both”— this is likely your attachment style.
People with fearful avoidant attachment grow up with homes where a parent was both a source of love and fear. Meaning, they constantly had to walk on egg shells. Typically this was a highly reactive parent, who struggle to emotionally regulate. Other times it was a parent who didn’t yell at all but got cold and gave the silent treatment anytime they were upset.
Our need as children is to have a predictable, and secure adult whose behavior we can trust. When we don’t get this we struggle to form healthy adult relationships.
Our attachment style, while wired into our nervous system, is not fixed. We can all heal. Someone with fearful avoidant attachment needs to learn how to widen their window— or to expand their capacity for stress. Somatic practices, and self soothing is key here. Also being open and honest with close friends and partners will help them understand the *why* behind your behavior. When someone knows your background and triggers, they are in a better space to support you.
One of the hardest parts of relationships for a fearful avoidant is how strong the reactions feel. Any change in a someone’s behavior will send off their internal stress alarm. Just as it did when they were children. They also struggle with “control issues”— an adaptation they used to make sense of an early world that was full of chaos and fear. Note: many fearful avoidants are diagnosed with OCD but this adaption at one time was the only way they could feel safe.
Please share with anyone who feels both anxious AND avoidant in relationships.
New @selfhealers.circle members check out the courses and workshops on attachment styles— they’re game changers #selfhealers
@the.holistic.psychologist
3.6M
ANI’m a writer! ✍🏼 Comment BOOKS and I’ll personally DM you a link to my new book for anxious and avoidant couples! 📖
Or POD for a link to my favorite podcast episode “Do I Need Too Much?” with my cohost @jimmy_on_relationships 🥳🤩
@anxiousheartsguide
61.0K
IAIn this video I explain why avoidantly attached individuals get married, discussing the internal emotional dynamics and misunderstood desire for genuine connection despite feeling overwhelmed in relationships.
Quick reference of topics 💕
✨ avoidant attachment
✨ anxious attachment
✨ anxious avoidant attachment
✨ divorce
✨ why avoidants still marry
✨ mother wound
✨ how to heal avoidant attachment
#motherwound #anxiousattachment #anxiousavoidant #relationships #relationshiptips
@iamnancycooper
383.0K
THSome relationships feel like a never-ending cycle…
Paul Brunson, a leading relationship expert, explains the anxious-avoidant loop and how to break free from it.
Credits: @steven x The Diary Of A CEO Podcast
#podcast #diaryofaceo #interview #relationship #avoidant #partner
@thediaryofaceopodcast
115.0K
SAYou think you’re just anxious in relationships, but let’s be real—you’re avoidant too.
Anxious attachment isn’t just about chasing love—it’s also about avoiding yourself. You focus on them—what they’re thinking, what they’re doing, why they’re pulling away—because looking inward is too uncomfortable.
You crave closeness, but panic when it’s given. You want reassurance, but don’t fully trust it. You say you want a healthy relationship, but are you actually ready for one? Or are you just avoiding your own healing by making it about someone else?
💥 Let’s unpack this on my podcast @thesabrinazoharshow available wherever podcasts are found (Spotify, Apple, YouTube!)
#datingadvice #relationshipadvice #attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #selfworth #selfsabotage #healingjourney #datingtruths
@sabrina.zohar
1.4M
THThe most common relational dynamic is between someone who’s anxiously attached and someone who’s avoidant.
This is the push-pull dance that so many live in
To heal, the anxious person must:
1. Use “I” statements: focus on using “I” statements feelings rather than using blame “you always.”
2. Practice out of assumption: anxious attachment often has our brain working overtime to make meaning out people’s actions. And that meaning does tend to be negative. Become aware of assumptions. Then, practice out of making them and start getting curious instead.
3. Be aware of your own boundaries: if you feel like your needs aren’t ever being met, it’s time to re-evaluate the role that person has in your life.
To heal, the avoidant person must:
1. Examine defensiveness: often conflict feels like a personal attack to an avoidant. Practice just sitting in a conversation and listening, without defending. Stay curious.
2. Speak the need for breaks: avoidants are easily overstimulated and need to work on voicing this and taking breaks when needed while also letting their partner know they will return. “Hey I’m overwhelmed right now and need 20 minutes to cool down. As soon as I’m cooled off, let’s finish this convo.”
3. Recognize our flee response: if your impulse when things get difficult is always to take space, just know this. Space can be healthy but if it become a coping mechanism for all emotional overwhelm— the cycle only continues. Practice sticking in hard conversations.
To learn more about healing from your attachment style, @selfhealers.circle opens Jan 2nd. Spaces are limited. Join the waitlist for the first opportunity to join by commenting “WAITLIST” and checking your dm #selfhealers
@the.holistic.psychologist
1.0M
SUI’ve been both anxious and avoidant.
I’ve spent years of suffering, overthinking, and pushing people away
Hi I’m Sue and I create free content to help people go from avoidant → secure and anxious → secure… because I’ve lived both sides. Hit follow if you wish to learn more.
What I discovered? You don’t have to stay stuck in survival love. There’s another way, and if this is you right now, I won’t leave you there.
Which one sounds most like you right now? anxious, avoidant, or secure? 👇
@sue.barries
47.8K
THThe anxious-avoidant couple are commonly drawn into a trauma bond. One chases connection and safety while the other deflects & avoids. They seek from each other what they deep down want to be able to give to themselves.
People with anxious & avoidant attachment both have wounds of rejection (one of the 8 wounds in Inner Work Theory). They both fear abandonment & feeling "unworthy of love" - so they develop opposite coping mechanisms to handle their subconscious fears.
- The avoidant partner uses defensiveness, deflection, stonewalling and other emotionally avoidant behaviors to run away from big emotions, conflict, and self reflection.
- The anxious partner people pleases, overanalyses, and seeks comfort and safety from their partner in order to feel emotionally regulated and safe from rejection.
Breaking this trauma bond requires inner work and the courage to face vulnerabilities with acceptance and accountability. A healing bond can be created if both partners are able to support each other in their growth toward inner security through conscious communication, dedicated self reflection, and teamwork.
📚The Inner Work of Relationships book
- if you want to learn how to heal attachment wounds, build inner security, learn communication skills, and co-create a healing bond together, you can get The Inner Work of Relationships book. It's available on TikTok shop and Amazon!
#avoidant #anxious #attachmentstyle #traumabond #relationships #dating #anxiousattachment #traumahealing
@theyogacouple
2.6M
MIAn anxious-avoidant girl who gets asked out by a guy she put on a pedestal = full emotional malfunction woo!!
I CANNOT COPE with myself sometimes looool. Although want to preface, this is an old video and I am in fact in the room with us all and not in romanticising land !!! Yay !!
But lol I found this drunken video I’m my camera roll and I GAGGED when I watched it back.
Like??? I fully went through the whole circle of life of an anxious avoidant and went to space and back all in just 30 seconds??? Mad
Is this me in every situation lol maybe then but not anymore !!! Because we have grown!! And decentered men!! And removed the pedestal !!
Thought this was funny tho lol enjoy me exposing myself once again x
@millygoldsmith
118.7K
THFeeling unseen, unheard, or constantly chasing love? Emotional unavailability often stems from unresolved past wounds, fear of vulnerability, or learned patterns from childhood. It’s not always intentional, but it does impact connection deeply.
The good news? With self-awareness, open communication, and sometimes therapy, emotional availability can be cultivated.
But remember: it’s not your job to fix someone- your role is to honor your own emotional needs too.
Here are some practical ways to improve the situation if you’re with an emotionally unavailable partner:
1. Start with honest communication
Gently express how their emotional distance affects you—without blame. Use “I feel” statements to create a safe space for dialogue.
2. Encourage self-reflection
Help them explore if their emotional unavailability comes from past trauma, fear of intimacy, or attachment wounds. Suggest therapy or self-work if they’re open.
3. Model emotional openness
Show what healthy emotional expression looks like—share your feelings, needs, and boundaries consistently.
4. Set clear boundaries
Let them know what behaviors you can and cannot accept. Emotional neglect isn’t love—your needs matter too.
5. Be patient, but stay aware
Change takes time. If they’re willing and show effort, support the process. But if there’s constant avoidance or denial, you may need to reevaluate the relationship.
Comment JOYFUL or DM us to book a 1:1 relationship coaching session with us ❤️🩹
[ Relationship Advice Emotional Support Unavailable Partner Toxic Relationship Marriage Tips Loneliness Sad Reality Relatable Communication Issues Divorce Anxious Avoidant ]
#relationships #relationshipadvice #couplereels #toxicrelationships #marriagecoach #relatable #marriageadvice #relationshipcoach #resentment #emotionallyunavailable #sadreality #emotionalabuse #loneliness #couplescounseling #divorce #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #attachmentstyles #relationaltrauma #codependency #empathy #vulnerable
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